I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
