Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize