i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
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I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
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i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL