I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM