hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.