Texts From Last Night

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  (303): View more from Colorado

  So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.

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  (303): So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl. http://tfl.nu/7x7a
  Replies (4) Good night (1042) Bad night (549)
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  (716): View more from New York

  i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.

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  (716): i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby. http://tfl.nu/gnwv
  Replies (35) Good night (4193) Bad night (1159)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.

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  (814): All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles. http://tfl.nu/duc8
  Replies (37) Good night (10672) Bad night (1353)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.

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  (908): there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time (732): no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution. http://tfl.nu/6mq6
  Replies (23) Good night (8616) Bad night (1155)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out

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  (770): He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out http://tfl.nu/ozsp
  Replies (7) Good night (952) Bad night (2619)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.

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  (734): The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car. http://tfl.nu/l3cg
  Replies (9) Good night (1427) Bad night (4713)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!

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  (402): Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?! http://tfl.nu/bwn3
  Replies (4) Good night (2846) Bad night (993)
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  (260): View more from Indiana

  ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.

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  (260): ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me. http://tfl.nu/9s81
  Replies (4) Good night (1229) Bad night (824)
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  (808): View more from Hawaii

  Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.

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  (808): Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower. http://tfl.nu/ajbm
  Replies (12) Good night (2133) Bad night (591)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.

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  (303): Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop. http://tfl.nu/81x3
  Replies (19) Good night (815) Bad night (1720)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her

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  (540): She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her http://tfl.nu/huvk
  Replies (3) Good night (1782) Bad night (749)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.

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  (505): Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels. http://tfl.nu/3182
  Replies (3) Good night (240) Bad night (750)
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  (626): View more from California

  I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?

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  (626): I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night? http://tfl.nu/9qof
  Replies (2) Good night (743) Bad night (243)
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.

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  (774): In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely. http://tfl.nu/mh8s
  Replies (7) Good night (771) Bad night (267)
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  (956): View more from Texas

  I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.

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  (956): I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night. http://tfl.nu/cx0y
  Replies (1) Good night (260) Bad night (178)

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