I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Randomize
