Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
