Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
