Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
