I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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