I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
