got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I think your dad took our porno
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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