Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
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I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
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You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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