shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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