i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
