Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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