i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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