I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
My vagina just recognized that song.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
