i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
