Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
