awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
