If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
your like the ambassador to my penis.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
