I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
