Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
