I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
