oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
