if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
