no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
