I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
