i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize