I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
