My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
