I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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