Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
