I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Randomize