I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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