Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
