I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
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all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
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I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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