What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
love makes seman taste better
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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