she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize