i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
