I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
