Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
