R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I feel great
I just peed on a car
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
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