i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
What changed your mind?
Being sober
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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