Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Randomize
