if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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