3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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