i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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