This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
