he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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