i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
yeah, it was that bad.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...