whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
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Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
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You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"