I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
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I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket