So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
