dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
