Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
