so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
