i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize