It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
