yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
