The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
