i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
