if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Randomize
