I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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